1/02/00 - 11/01/11 Rest in peace baby girl, I love you and miss you.

Friday, July 27, 2012

some times I wonder about things

  On this trip this summer to Colo I have run into some people I met last year. One of them is roger, don't know his last name or much about him. He is a drunk, plain and simple. Most people don't give him a second look, He has a dog named Sasha that he loves more than anything in the world that he might have, except for his alcohol maybe. 
 He's not a mental case that I can tell, he has at least some kind of a income because he has his drink and Sasha doesn't want for anything. He's not well physically, the drinking and chain smoking, poor diet has taken its toll on him. 
  It makes me wonder what could have happened to him to have caused this behavior from him. Maybe something terrible or maybe nothing at all, maybe its just the way he is.  He just acts like a man that has the weight of the world on his shoulders and its crushed him. The only time I see him smile is when he's talking to his dog Sasha and you can see that Sasha is worried about him. When he has one of his coughing fits Sasha runs to his side and waits there until its over. Sometimes she goes back to what she was doing, other times she stays by his side.  I don't think roger is long in this world,  as the street people say about the dieing, his eleven is up...   In case you don't know, that means that the tendons on the back of his neck is standing out dramatically, like too ropes stretched tight.  You've seen them before, on the very sick or the very old that has wasted away to just very little substance. 
  I wonder and worry about Sasha, roger made his choices for his life to be this way, what will happen to her when he passes?  will someone take her in? Will someone love her and take care of her like roger does?  Will she let someone other than roger care for her?

  I hope so.


  Finally got the whole story out of roger about how his life turned out this way.  It's a voluntary thing.   A few years ago his wife had a aneurysm in her brain, roger said she held on for 22 days before she passed.  Through tears he told me this, His wife and him were a popular couple back east some where.  They used to play alot of music and sang alot in diff places,  They used to have alot of  music parties at their place and he said that his wife was the center of it all and his life.  He said that after his wife passed he couldn't bear living in the house or going to all the places they knew and frequented. It seemed that everyone knew them so everything was a constant reminder of her.  So one day he walked out the door of their house, got in his car and drove over to their kids places and told them that he loved them and drove west.  He has been living in BV for the last 2.5 3 yrs. 
  He even admitted that he's drinking his self to death, He said that he's too much of a coward to take his own life in a "harsh" way.   It's actually sad to think that this guy who is a very talented guitar player and singer has chosen to do this.  I don't think a single person in bv thinks bad of roger, everyone looks out for him and helps him when they can. He has friends that are concerned for him but the let him do his thing.
  He said that he has a good friend that will take Sasha when the time comes. That is his one big worry in life, Sometimes when I would watch roger and Sasha I believe that she is the only reason he's still alive....

  When I left bv the other day roger kept asking me if I was coming back to bv, I told him I wasn't sure if I would make it back that way or not.  He grabbed my hand and shook it with both of his and told me to take care and that he would mi ss me.  He turned around and walked to his vehicle, got in and drove away to the Green parrot bar......

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