Thoughts

You know when I started this blog, I really didn't have a clue about what I was going to be putting on here or what I was going to say :O)  I just wanted to show people the many different things that I found in my travels and adventures.  I have put some really boring things on, some interesting stuff (too me anyway)  and have mused about things also.  Right or wrong its been me all along. 
  I was looking back on it and I realized that for the most part, I gloryized it  (not sure if that's the right word or not but it will work)  by that I mean that I was just writing about the good stuff for the most part. I wasn't  writing about the mess ups or the emotions that I went threw at times.  The scared what the hell am I doing, or the depressed times of missing my family and the few friends that I have.  Being so excited and angsous when I knew that Peggy and gary would be there. :O)   Even the times that I would be out in the boonies for weeks at end and go to town to get groceries and do laundry, the everyday mundane things that people put off or dread I found to be moments of joy and happiness.  Not because of the action of doing them lol  no way, but the fact that I would be in town and see people. To talk to others about "the weather"  The lack of rain.  Just to be socal again. 
   I met some really odd people, some good people, some not so good people but for the most part, decent people.  I learned  how to be by myself and to enjoy it. Not so much some of the other times,  Its one thing to talk about going to the outer edges of civilization, to be one with nature, or to live frugally.  They all have their ups and downs, Its the learning how to be that way is the trick. 
  I miss being "out there"  I miss the traveling, seeing the sun rise over the mountains or on new horizons. The sun sets that make me wonder what's over there?  or just the simple act of sitting in the lawn chair watching the wind in the trees.  Believe it or not, the wind in the trees blowing the branches, making the trees sway back and forth is a very relaxing deal for me.  or watching a lizard sun itself lazily until a bug comes into striking range, and in a instant it flashes into action with movements so fast that you cant see what's really happing. Then just as fast as it happened its back to being rock still and sunning itself again as if nothing had happened. :O) 
  I really don't know where I am going with this :O)  just rambling I guess, some will critisize my "airing my laundry for all to see"  but who really cares?  does it matter?  not really. 
  A while back I started a diary, I started it out of nesessity honestly, for a record of where and when I was doing anything anywhere anytime.  Things got straightened out but I have continued writing in my diary, its on day 556 now.  Its got everything in there from what I did on each day to what I had for breakfast lunch and dinner lol to wanting to strangle the cat for shit that it does.  I have written about friends, family, dreams, fears, happiness, losses, gains, pain, you name it, if it happens in life to me, its in there.  If you want to see into ones life, start a diary and be open and honest about it. Be honest to yourself when you write, tell it like you see it. Once in a while go back and reread it and see what you can find out about yourself. Sometimes you might not like what you see about yourself but maybe, just maybe you will be able to make changes in yourself for the better :O)   Other times, its a lost cause to change something's.  better or worse, sometimes its just who you are no matter how hard you try to change something about yourself that you don't like. That's when you have to just accept that part of you and live with it.
  As you can see from my blog and this, that these last few years have been a time of learning, forgiving, accepting, and moving on. Its a journey of finding out just who I am and where I want to be.  Its not that I have been clueless all these years, its just that I have tried to be what I believed others wanted me to be.  To do the right thing, to do the acceptable thing, to follow the norm I guess.
  I have had people tell me that I was a fool to spend a lot of my money going gold prospecting for the 2 summers I went, laugh at my idea and the building of my house out of a tin building. I also had people tell me that they wished they could do the same thing.  so who's right and who's wrong?
   I have come to the conclusion that it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks of another's ideas, its what YOU think of YOUR ideas.  right or wrong, its all yours.....

  well, I believe that I have said enough lol  yes, you have been following a lunatics blog all this time lol   Just kidding, just ask me and I will garantee you that I am not a lunatic :O)     Be safe all :O)



         Great, spell checks not working.  oh well, I cant spell for shit.  You probably already know this :O)